We're going streaking.

I've landed in Hong Kong and for a city with so much technology/neon it was actually damn hard to find a net cafe but I finally managed to track one down. The flight to Hong Kong from New Zealand was plain horrible and it wasn't just the 10.5 hour flight time. The person next to me had an inconsiderate baby who chose to cry the entire trip rather than look out the window and perv on the stewardesses like I did. Babies should be classed as hand luggage and thus have to be stowed away in an overhead compartment in my opinion. Thankfully my Ipod helped to drown out the babies screams and I kept a close eye on his face and when his face screwed up like he was about to take an epic dump I quickly hit the play button on the ipod. This was foiled on take-offs and landing when the flight crew requested I turn it off so it wouldn't interfere with the flight system. I guess it's understandable as there'd be some panic if the pilot radio'd ground control for permission to land and got Dennis Leary's "asshole" back as a response. The buttplug seated next to me tried to calm the baby down by employing the "baby talk approach which was more annoying than the actual crying so I got this;

"WAAAAAAA"

"ooo who's a cutey wooty baby waby"

• Crackling Intercom*

"This is your captain speaking, we'd like to kindly remind passengers that baby talk is a capital offence and anyone caught will be ejected"

Ok so the last bit didn't happen but it bloody should!

Accomodation was always going to be a bit dodgy in Hong Kong as there's quick a big gap here between budget accomodation and somethin' decent. I checked out some decent hotel and they blurted out "$200 a night" which made my wallet lapse into a coma so I headed towards the notorious Chunking Mansions. The touts quickly surrounded me and led me to a packed elevator where we took a slow ride upto the 13th floor. The room he showed me was like a cupboard as we went to go into the room to check it out a guy was actually leaving my room...what the hell?

The "cupboard" he showed me was downright horrible and I'm not the pickiest guy so I told him I'd get back to him if I ever needed a crack-den. I got into the elevator with 6 big scary black guys and while none of them screamed "Kill Whitey" it was still pretty uncomfortable. I moved onto Chunkings cousin which is the "Miridor Mansions" and a friendly chinese fella took me upto a room which while still hobbit-sized was much nicer and I agreed to his offer of 135HK which is about $25 (I think)

I felt pretty tired but decided to have a shower and hit the town but I wasn't anticipating the shower having no hot water. Being a tired smelly tourist I went ahead with the ice-shower and am confident that I came close to a heart attack. The shower and the toilet are actually in the same tiny room so if you chose to you could have a freezing shower while taking a dump...ingenious huh?

Nathan road where I'm staying is great at night as it's very busy and has more Neon than Vegas. I found some shady out of the way pub and took advantage of happy hour and knocked back a few expensive beers to prepare for my fave holiday activity "Wandering drunk around a foreign country". I finally stumbled into a nice little german pub and chatted with the two staff who were from Nepal and when I told them where I was from both went "ahhh Austria!"

I even tried swooning the hot female bartender by asking if I could have my beer in a baby bottle she was filling, heh think she thought I was serious!. Went to bed at around midnight and slept pretty well on the concrete matress but the aircon was really good and no hangover!

Without the lights on in my room it's totally pitch black so when I woke up I figured it was around 2am but checked my phone and it was 9:30am so slept later than I had thought. Spent most of the day wandering around on foot and checked out Kowloon Park and Mong Kok and the walking has made me realise how unfit I've become as my ankles are aching bigtime. I'm supposed to hook up with a welsh chick that I met from the forums for a beer tonight so should be good to have a drinking buddy. I get plenty of strange looks here as I could probably count on 2 hands the number of caucasians I saw today so a long frizzy haired (I washed it noooo) goatee sporting retard like me stands out a bit but everyone is very friendly. For example a friendly Indian chap stopped me today and said

"Hello young man"

"G'Day"

"Guess what today is?"

"Errr Tuesday?"

"It's your lucky day!"

"It is?"

"Yes *launches into some complex scam which I quickly caught onto and made some excuse about bowel movements and fled*

I hadn't walked more than 5 minutes when another Indian guy walked up and said;

"Hello!"

"G'Day"

"Guess what today is?"

"My lucky day right?"

• Dissapointed look*

No matter the country there's always scams going on but I find it amusing rather than annoying and always chuckle when touts try to sell me suits...I mean do I look lkike the sorta guy who gets around in a suit...tho a tophat and monacle might be a good look.

Well I've ranted enough and am sure this is booby-trapped with plenty of typo's and gibberish buit I'll update it tomorrow with some pictures. The guy next to me is chuckling into his webcam like a japanese school-girl, I'll leave before his "tee-hee's" become contagious.