Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern.

So the post is long overdue but anyone who read the former drunkanddisorderly website knows this isn't uncommon as I'm prone to bouts of pure undiluted laziness. I'm currently in Pattaya in Thailand and have been here the last 2 nights and plan on spending a few more here kicking back before heading to the beaches then the landmines of Cambodia. As I mentioned in a previous post my hotel is planted firmly in the rear end of the gay area (heh sorry couldn't help myself). I was aware of this but due to most hotels being booked out for the NYE persiod my options were limited and I'm moving hotels tomorrow. I've got no issues at all with gay people, I mean they have great fashion sense and hairdressing just wouldn't be the same industry without them. I started looking for an Internet Cafe and was checking the signs along the street of my hotel.

Toyboys karaoke...No

Massage 4 men by men...NO

Internet...Bingo

Now I'm sitting here charging up my ipod and updating this blog when I suddenly realised my computer is surrounded of snap shots of men in speedo's. And not the full man either...just a snapshot of a man's crotch in speedo's. Now cmon I can understand a Gay Sauna, a Gay nightclub but a gay internet cafe?!. I'm starting to sound a bit homophobic haha so I'll move on before I offend anyone.

New Years Eve was last night and I'm stuffed, I partied pretty hard and am feeling the effects now and feel like going back to bed despite only getting out at 3pm. I guess I should wind back the clock to last update and continue from there so you can get some ideas on what I've been doing;

I got up early the morning of my flight to Thailand and wanted to charge up my Ipod for the flight but Hong Kong is similar to Singapore in that all the shops stay open late but don't open until about 10am. This is normally fine by me as I prefer to stay out late and sleep in but on this particular morning I had things to do and my plans were foiled. Hong Kong on the whole was very enjoyable but wouldn't recommend it if you dislike crowds or a bit of chaos as the place is non-stop. The people were all very friendly but did find getting a taxi could often be difficult as the drivers spoke very little English so a conversation would go like this;

"Lockhard Road please"

"huh?"

"Lockhard road in Wan Chai"

"huh?"

"I WANT TO GOTO LOCKHARD ROAD IN WAN CHAI!"

"HUH"

In the end that particular driver drove me to another taxi and dumped me on him haha but thankfully that other driver spoke passable English. On my last night in Hong Kong I had a foot massage which really is "Foot contortion torture" and spent the whole session trying to avoid them upgrading me to another massage package. My flight was on time and the plane was only half full so I had a spare seat next to me, I spent the flight reading a John Grisham book that I purchased. I had already finished Dan Brows "Da Vinci Code" and must say it was great and can't believe a book about art and cryptography could of been interesting but it really was.

Customs was straight forward in Thailand and some tout offered me a taxi and when told of my Pattaya destination he offered 2000 but I counted with 1500 and he pays the road tolls. He acted offended and declined so I jumped in the massive taxu queue and think I payed 1200baht plus the toll of 100. The drive took ages as it was peaktime and think all up it took 3 hours to reach Pattaya plus about 40 minutes for my driver to locate the friggin' hotel. Thanks Adrian for smsing me the hotels number, this came in handy but even after 2 calls to the hotel the driver still couldn't get bearings but eventually we got there. The room is really nice but I open my curtains and 3 metres in front if my windows is another window looking straight into a male gym so I haven't opened the curtains since haha. Like Balinese hotels the power to the room is turned off once you remove the key and exit the room and my normal trick of jamming a pen in the sensor didn't work (damn!) so I always return to a hot room. The weathers been overcast but humid and the combination of the heat and seafood has caused me to break into hives again (mother@#$%^&. I'm taking medications to stop it but so far it's done sweet fuck all but the itching hasn't been to bad so it's bearable. The weather also has me contemplating cutting my hair off as the other day it was knot-hell and I just about cut it off on the spot heh.

I was pretty stuffed after the long drive but was anxious to hit the town and see the sights so I wandered out of the gay area and headed into the heart of town. Once I hit the main strip I must admit that my jaw hit the ground, it was bars as far as the eye could see and just hundreds of the hottest girls you can imagine. The girls are everywhere and wear outfits so skimpy that they'd probably get jailed in Oz for indecent exposure. They're of course on the arms of old overweight men with open shirts and tattoo's. Most people find this pretty disgusting but I guess it's just how it is overhere and money talks. The girls make a decent living and the old dudes instead of only attracting old wrinkly women back home get treated like kings by girls old enough to be there daughters (grand daughters in some cases!). Dunno if you'd dig the girls here Justin as I'm betting 8 out of 10 have tattoo's ahha and I often try to guess the girls ages but never get them right, a girl who looks 18 always turns out to be older then me.

I hit a bar or two and resisted the attempts at eye contact by the bar girls and just sat and sipped a beer and took in the sights (and boy is it a sight). Eventually one beer led to 6 and found myself in a packed disco where a thai version of the blackeyed peas were playing, they had 2 african american guys in the band but Fergie had been substituted for a thai chick. I got to chatting to a nice thai girls and we've been kicking it the last few days. The language barrier can make talking difficult and the aussie accent probably doesn't help matters. I'm ashamed to say even after 2 days I don't know the chicks name, I mean she's told me but the combination of my bad memory and intoxication has made me forget. She works at a bar as most of the girls do which causes me some problems, the night we met was fine as it was her night off so we could party without her having to worry about being bar fined. For the uniniated the barfine is a standard practice over here, the girls work at a bar typically from 7pm and knock off when it closes which is normally 2-3am. If they wish to leave the bar during that working period then they or someone else must pay a barfine which is 500baht which then excuses the girls from work. This way the bar gets compensated for the girls being taken away, this barfine doesn't mean you're entitled to sleep with the girl it just means she's free for the night and most likely will accompany you. Now see this is where it gets annoying as I wanna hang out with <insert name here> but must pay her bar if I wish to do, I could wait until she finishes at 3am but by then I'm hammered haha. We could also just hang out at her bar but every drink for a girl you must buy and they're like triple the price.

I payed her barfine last night as we wanted to see the fireworks which were awesome and probably went longer than the yearly Australia Day one's. We were joined by one of her friends who is <drooling emoticon here> but crazy as all hell and has a running barfine from some guy who picks her from time to time but other then that she's free to do what she wants. When I say crazy I'm not kidding, I went into the clubs toilet last night and when I came out of the cubicle she was standing there demanding to see my package...haha what the hell!. I dunno if paying a girls barfine could be seen as prostitution but it's in the same ballpark and doesn't sit right with me but that's the system!

Due to being away for 3 months my budget is pretty limited so I can't afford to keep hitting the bars everynight so don't plan on barfining her tonight and will have a quiet one. I should probably get out of Pattaya mid week as a town full of booze and girls who tell everyone that they're a "handsum man" is a budget buster. I'm going to look into a Vietanm Visa tomorrow and need to find a bloody charger for my phone so anyone who's smsed me I apologise for not replying (haha Travis called me in HK and quickly hung up when he realised I was overseas and it was going to cost him a fortune).

I better go as my ipods all charged up and I need some food, feel free to leave any comments.

Regards,

Handsum Man