Drunk & Disorderly

I have at last escaped the deadly alcoholic embrace of Pattaya but my escape plans have not exactly gone to plan. Anxious to get away from my barhopping antics I pulled out a map and decided that I'd visit Ko Chang Island and would move on from there. After pigging down yet another artery-throttling english breakfast I took a scooter down to the bus terminal. To reach the island of Ko Chang I knew I had to get to Trat and then catch a ferry across but the fella at the terminal informed me that I'd have to take a bus to Rayong and then another to Chantuburri before the final bus to Trat. For someone as disorganised as me this was bad news as I'm prone to getting lost but my liver needed a rest so I jumped on the bus and I was away!

The trip to Rayong took about an hour and was pleasent but boring and I was able to jump straight onto a waiting bus for Chantuburri which took another hour. Arriving at Chantuburri I was told the next bus to Trat wasn't for an hour and the whole setup was pretty crappy as there were very few signs and the information staff didn't seem to keen on actually givin' out any info. I waited it out and jumped on the final bus, a tall english guy jumped on and asked me if it was headin' for Trat which I told him it was. He explained that he badly needed to piss but was worried the bus would leave without him so I promised to full-nelson the driver if he attempted to leave without him. He made it back in time and he sat next to me, his name was Tony and he was a plumber from Liverpool who was also fleeing the Pattaya scene and planned on spending 10 days in Ko Chang. Having someone to talk to helped kill yet another long bus ride and we finally arrived at the pier after securing a taxi. The taxi driver had told us that the last ferry was 7pm but the sly bastard took us to the pier where the last ferry is 6pm so we had to go via speedboat which was double the price but we had little option. I chatted to a couple of Thai girls while waiting who were also going to the island for a holiday and they offered us a lift on the other side which we accepted.

The speed boat turned up and I reached into my pocket for the tickets and they were gone, after empptying all pockets & orifices I decided they were gone. Dammit so far on the holiday I had lost nothing which is unbelievable considering how often I lose items on holidays. I told Tony and he didn't seem phased and we told the speedboat driver to call the office and confirm that we had paid which luckily they did. Tony can be pretty frustrating at times as he LOVES to ask questions and he pretty much interogates people they often snap. This helped us for once as the ticket girl remembered Tony as he'd asked so many questions that it turned into this;

Tony: So we have to pay double for the speedboat because the taxi driver lied to us?

Ticket-Girl: Yes

Tony: What a joke

Ticket-Girl: Then take money back and not goto Ko Chang!

Tony: Ok Chill Out

Ticket-Girl: No

Tony: Chill out

Ticket-Girl: No

Tony: CHILL OUT

Ticket-Girl: NO NO NO

Darren: Tony, I Don't think she's going to chill out!

It was dark when we hit the island and our plans of scamming a free ride with the Thai girls was foiled when there friend said he couldn't as the local taxi drivers would get angry at him. So we piled into a baht bus and took a ride to Whitesand beach and set out looking for some accomodation. The joints on the beach were all asking ridicukous prices so we stumbled down a dirt trail off the road and found some dodgy looking Bungalows. The place was managed by a fat ladyboy which I found very funny and she told us they had some dirt cheap 200B a night bungalows. We asked to look at them and when we arrived at the bungalows I expected sheep or pigs to run out as it was a matress on the floor of a squalid tiny box, heh we quickly said hell no. The fat ladyboy said she had one 800 baht a night bungalow but if we wanted to share it she could do it for 600 bhat which didn't make much sense but we asked to look at it anyway. The bungalow was quite nice but only had the one bed so the question that faced me was;

Was I willing to sleep in the same bed as a strange man and does this make me gay.

Tony was all for it as he's a royal tightass and 300baht a night on an island is not to shabby at all so I agreed and we went to check out the nightlife. It's safe to say the nightlife was pretty non existant which I expected as it's more a honey-moon/couples destination but Tony was annoyed as I think he expected a mini Pattaya. Knocked back few beers at one of the local bars and I chatted up some small chick (she wasn't a dwarf but she was pretty damn small!) and convinced her that giving me her mobile number was a good idea. We then crashed out at about 1am and I'd just like to point out that no homo-erotic activities took place so I'm sorry to dissapoint. The next morning I got up at the earliest time so far on the trip (6:30am!) and checked out the beaches that everybody recommended. I'm not sure if it's because I'm from Australia and we have some pretty pimp beaches but I didn't think to much of the beach with it's brown sand and abundance of rubbish but it was definetly a step up from Pattaya's beaches. Having seen the beaches and chatting with Tony we decided that he'd head back to Pattaya and I would jump on a bus to Cambodia.

I was told the bus ride would take 12 hours (oh god no!) and I had to catch it from the Trat pier at 10:30am but it actually left at 11am and being only nine I figured I had plenty of time. Having paid for the trip I went down and got some passport photo's for the Cambodian border as the guards are notorious for ripping off tourists for even small items like photo's. Grabbed my bags and sat outside and waited for a taxi...and waited...and waited. A scooter pulled up behind me and it was the smiling dwarf girl from the night before and she told me that taxi's don't start running on the island until 10. This posed a problem as the trip was about 10-15 minutes but I wasn't willing to pay someone to drive me down solo as it'd cost me an arm & a testicle. I thanked her for the info and said I'd call her in Bangkok as she also didn't think to much of the island and was bailing.

The first few taxi's were full so I scammed one at 10:15 and reached the pier at 10:40 where a smiling boat operator told me that the next speedboat was at 11:30. I attempted to smile back and reminded him that I had to catch a bus and after a phonecall the operator said the bus would wait and he had confirmed this twice which was a relief. At 11:30 the speedboat rocked up and I caught it across and ran to the tourist office and said to the girl;

I'm here for the Siam Reap trip, I'm running late but I believe the bus is waiting for me.

No sir that bus left an hour ago.

Ummm I was told twice it was waiting for me?

Sir do you expect 11 people to wait for you?

No I don't, but when I'm told they are waiting for me then yes I do expect them to be waiting.

Sorry sir you can leave tomorrow.

haha no use getting upset about it as only the one bus leaves each day so I'm currently stuck in Trat where the highlight seems to be a naval show. One funny incident did happen, on the way back to Trat our taxi driver was addicted to honking the horn and would do it at every opportunity. He would smile at me and hold it down for a good 5 seconds, the only actibity her seemed to enjoy more was flashing his lights at motorists warning them of police up ahead. The activity he didn't enjoy was the taxi breaking down, I knew something was wrong as at the lights some young thai guys were looking at the taxi and making blowing up gestures to me heh.

Well I'll fill you in on what happens after Trat but I'm hoping to be in Cambodia.

Also I've let it slide to this point but some of the retarded comments left at the end of my posts aren't even amusing so let's drop it and keep it above the IQ-10 level (which I prolly won't understand!)