Drunk & Disorderly

This blog is being updated from a crowded McDonalds store in Singapore airport where I have resigned myself to spending the night. It's not that I have a wild date with the turdburglar nor am I filming a sequel to "upsize me" it's that well I'm broke and stupid...did I mention STUPID?. You see rather than getting my holiday funds from work in a large chunk I chose to get it in 15 day installments which is kind of like welfare just without having to lineup behind the buttplugs of society. I figured the installments were safer then getting the one wad of cash as I was bound to blow it on some drunken bender involving vast quantities of women and baked beans. The key was to pace myself, set my daily budget and if I did happen to exceed it on a certain day then I'd cut back spending on the next day. Unfortunatly I'm horrible at pacing myself (ladies this doesn't apply to the bedroom honest!) and the first few weeks resulted in some whining emails to work-mates requesting my pay a few days early. My boss being a great guy (brown-nosing!) always stepped up to the plate and helped me out and I got by...until now.

Somehow I have arrived in Singapore with $12 which isn't even enough to get me to a hotel which I couldn't afford anyway so it woulda been a wasted trip heh. Now I realised this a day or two ago and probably could have made a few calls to friends, family or the french goverment and pleaded for some funds but really isn't it about time I learnt my lesson. So I'm currently punishing myself for being an utter retard by spending the night in Singapore airport (just a disclaimer here that the punishment is only scheduled for a single night so if I don't have funds tomorrow then I will start the phonecalls begging hah!). I also upgraded my punishment by going through immigration and realising I could no longer go back through to the comfy transit lounge with it's sattelite TV, Massage chairs and free internet. Thankfully there's a 24 hour McDonalds store here and I have enough cash for 2 happy meals and the internets free but only allows one window open and all other programs are disabled which means no chatting (fuck you ronald!)

I have been hogging this terminal for over an hour and being only one of two computers available I'm getting alot of angry looks but luckily Singapore folk are to nice for violence so nobodies battered me (yet). The flight was pretty bland, I just read a book that I "loaned" from my guesthouse and made sure I ate every mouthfull of my airline meal knowing that it could be awhile between meals.

**Stops typing to stare-down 6 year old whimpering to use computer**

The last update was at the very beginning of my Phillipines jaunt so I'll try to recap what happened in the time since then. I spend 3-4 days in Manila and found the place nice but it had a dangerous feel at night and I wasn't comfortable walking alone. I'm generally not a wimp when it comes to these issues and most of my friends know that I love stumbling drunk around places whether it be home or abroad and did so without reservations in Hong Kong & Thailand. Manila seemed to have much more poverty and I was constantly hounded for money by small kids sniffing solvents and young girls with babies whom I'm told rent off families to beg. Scams also seem to be quite popular here and my first day here I was at a coffee shop slurping down a Orange Mocha Frappachino when a guy working there told me there was a phonecall from me. Now I've never been to the Philippines before and nobody knew I was going to the coffee shop so having a phonecall was puzzling. I picked it up and a lady on the other end told me she had a friend of mine on the line and asked me my name to verify my identity which I supplied and a filipino fella with great english struck up this conversation;

"Hello Darren!"

"Ummm hello who is this?"

"Oh you probably don't recognise me as my throat is sore, it's your friend from the Philippines!"

"I don't have any friends here buddy"

"Not even onem surely you remember me"

"Well ok I have one"

"Whats the friends name"

"Gina"

"Yes this is Gina!"

"Gina's a girl mate"

"No my name is Gino"

"Fuck you and fuck your scam"

"Darren I'm your friend!"

Now I don't know what the scam involved but I figured it led to me parting with some money and possibly rape (heh sorry) and how he knew I was there I'm not sure as he was either canvassing places or the coffee guy was in on it. I told the friendly owner of the guesthouse about this encounter and he said scams were very common here and he thought that they were only second to Nigeria in scams which he actually sounded envious about heh. He shared the story of a Japanese guest who took a boat trip and befriended an older filipino couple who after the conclusion of the trip offered to take him to there house for a filipino meal. He accepted and sure enough after the meal he woke up in an alley minus all his cash and cards and with no recollection of the drugged meal. It's shitty that people like these exist as you feel like you can't let your guard down which prevents you from making local friends. I did hook up with my filipino buddy Gina who was a great chick and showed me all around Manila. I tagged along to a party here friends were having and it was a good time with plenty of local dishes and a shitload of tequila shots which I actually declined as I was sporting a nasty hangover. One of the guys there seemed pretty highly strung and on edge but one of his friends explained that all 3 of them had just finished active military duty in Iraq and it was hard for them to switch off which is pretty fuckin' understandable!

After Manila I boarded a bus to Baguio which is high up in the mountain regions and thus very cool and it can get chilly at night which was great as there was no need for an air conditioned room. The roads up there were pretty dicey but the place had a really layed back feel and I spend a number od days just wandering around and kicking back with a book. Then one night I was in a small bar and I looked across and saw a guy waving at me, I looked closer and recognised them as the 2 crazy amsterdam guys Barry and Eso that I had met in Pattaya. We started chatting and they had just arrived in the Philippines and demanded I hit Angeles the next day which is a real party down similar to Pattaya. I figured I'd been good for a few days and had given my liver a much needed break so a bender was called for...right?...right?

So we got a bus to Angeles and after trying 6 hotels and finding them all booked out I was forced to choose a fancy joint but just for the night with plans to find something cheaper and slummier the next morning. I was getting low on cash so I took a trike (motorbike with an enclosed sidecar) to the ATM and got some money out before heading back to my room. After getting off the trike and walking a few metres I noticed a rip in my shorts and realised that someone (most likely the trike driver) had slashed my shorts in an attempt to get my walley to drop out. The slash was all the way to the skin and thankfully was just below my pocket, I couldn't believe it as I didn't feel a thing. I was more pissed at some wankstain ruining my faveourite shorts then I was at the pickpocket attempt but man I would been screwed as woulda lost my cash and all my cards. Following this incident I was very careful and heard many stories of people having bags cut open and losing cameras etc and always locked away my cards and spare cash in the hotel safe.

The next 3-5 days are a bit of a blur with plenty of drinking and bar-hopping taking place but I had a great time and made plenty of new friends. Angeles has a great nightlife but is dead boring during the day but I had changed to a cheap guesthouse owned by filipino's (most of the places in Angeles seemed to be owned by Aussies!) and it had a swimming pool which I took advantage of alot. I even attended a big Super-Bowl party but the Seahawks who I was rooting for got shafted by the refs and went down to the steelers (boooo). One night I ate some local filipino cuisine and spent the entire night throwing my guts up tho I did drink 8 beers so maybe that was to blame!. I must say that Thailand wins out in the food department as alot of the filipino food is very bland and the other alternatives are pretty fatty but everyone speaks better english here so it all evens out.

I gotta go as I need a crap but I'm here all night so will update in an hour or two hah!

Ok so it's now midnight and my money has cleared but I have a dilema, I have a hotel lined up for tomorrow night but nothing for tonight. Do I blow $50-$80 to simply sleep 7 hours or do I be a madman and just stay up all night (or sleep on a McDonalds bench?)

I'm actually leaning towards the all nighter but I've already exhausted websites to look at (I can't very well indulge in some time consuming porn in a family restaurant!) and my books nearly finished. I could actually hit some bars until the morning but that would mean lugging around my bags and sleep deprived drinking is never a good thing. Ahhh well it looks like it's been decided for me as the McDonalds staff have just warned me that I can only use the net for 15 minute intervals despite the place being deserted at this time of night.

So I'm off to a hotel to blow some cash on a nanna-nap (did I mention that I slept in a sweltering 6 person dorm last night that cost me $6?)