Drunk & Disorderly

Before we get started I'd like everyone to stop what they're doing and raise there glass, beer or prosthetic limbs in a toast to the great Mr Miyagi who passed away today and is now waxing on and waxing off in a better place.

Now that we have my touching tribute out of the way I'm glad to say that I only have 29 days before I embark on my solo trip to SE Asia. Last update I touched on my planned itinerary but due to certain restrictions relating to my airpass ticket I was forced to make some changes.

Japan had to be dumped which I was a bit bummed about, I'm sure I'll get to go there sometime in the future but I was looking forward to having my own Lost in Translation moments. The upside is my budget won't be as strained as Japan was going to garrotte my wallet for a tidy sum so I'll have a bit more to spend elsewhere.

Besides Japan being given a leave of absence the rest of the trip was fine and once I parted with a deposit my agent booked it all and I now have the tickets...well I think I do...I do recall seeing them a week or two back...

So the dates and destinations look somethin' like this;

Perth - New Zealand (26th December) - Not actually sure why I was forced to fly via New Zealand but it's no biggie, I won't actually get to see the country as I'm just switching planes with about 4 hours to kill.

New Zealand - Hong Kong (27th December) - I'll be kickin' it in Hong Kong for 3 days and to be honest don't know a whole lot about the place but I guess that's the pant-shitting part of it...exciting part...I meant exciting. I haven't lined up any accommodation but my budget is pretty tight so I'm thinking about staying at the famous/notorious Chunking Mansions. From what I've read the mansions are a run-down maze of cheap guesthouses occupied by immigrants, drug dealers and smut peddlers...oh and backpackers...sounds like my sort of place! I'd be interested to hear from any other fellow travellers who have stayed at the mansions but I kinda like the idea of slumming it in some warped mansion.

Hong Kong - Thailand (30th December) - I slide in Bangkok just before New Years which I'm really looking forward to, no plans as yet but I'm sure I'll find a decent party to drink myself retarded. Now I spend a month in the region and do plan on securing a Vietnam & Laos Visa and visiting both countries as well as Cambodia. The danger is that I get comfortable and waste the entire month drunk on a beach somewhere so I may have to limit my attacks on my liver as it's pretty tough to be motivated when cursed with a raging hangover.

Thailand - Philippines (30th January) - I've lined up 2 weeks to explore the Philippines which I know isn't going to be enough but should give me enough time to check out Boracay and maybe gather enough courage to try a balut.

Philippines - Singapore (14th February) - I've visited Singapore a few times and just plan on drinking with a buddy while not letting those $17 beer prices bring tears to my eyes.

Singapore - Bali (21st February) - Bali is the only destination I'm meeting some of the boys back from home, 3 of my mates are flying over so this should be good fun with plenty of whitewater rafting and bintanging planned.

Bali - Perth (11th March) - Home sweet home!

Next update I'll share a few amusing tales from previous trips!

Before knocking out an itinerary I figured it was best to organise my flights as that would be the main budget ball-kicker so I set about seeing how much various flights would set me back. Whilst doing this one of my buddies suggested looking at an Asian Airpass which would stop in all the destinations I wanted to visit but at a lower cost.

I checked it out and the airpass did seem very appealing and more importantly cost effective but there were certain rules/restrictions which had to be abided by and they were as follows;

# South East Asia: Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Brunei, Philippines, Vietnam, Cambodia, Myanmar, Laos
# North Asia: Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, China
# South West Pacific: New Zealand, Australia
# Journey must include travel to all these areas and only one crossing permitted between the following areas:

*South-West Pacific - North Asia
*South-West Pacific - South East Asia
*North Asia - South East Asia

#Travel must commence from and return to the same country
# All sectors up to and including first international sector have to be confirmed at least 7 days prior to departure.
# Certain booking classes apply.
# Maximum of 18 sectors permitted
# Three day minimum stay.
# Maximum stay six months.
# Minimum of two stopovers required, but only one per city permitted.

Nothing too overboard and figured I could abide by the rules and would get the tickets and re-arrange flights if needed while I was over there.

Now here's what my vision of my holiday looked like...

Australia - Japan: A couple of days sipping on sake and using panty vending machines (you crazy Japanese!) would be a nice start to the holiday. Japan is notoriously expensive but I figured I could afford to break my budget here and make it up later.

Japan - Hong Kong: Hell why not get the two most expensive destinations out of the way, I'd always wanted to see Hong Kong and with the opening of Disneyland I now had the opportunity to realise my dream of kicking Donald Duck in the balls.

Hong Kong - Thailand: I've heard many mixed reports of Thailand, some tell me it's beautiful and I won't want to leave whilst others rant about the pollution and the backpacker zoo that it's become. Not sure who to believe but I'm a big table tennis fan and I hear some of the girls (well ok there orifices) play a mean game of ping pong...Game On!

Thailand - Philippines: I never hear much about the Philippines as a travel destination but from what I read some of the islands were very nice and lazing around on a nice beach somewhere sounded very appealing.

Philippines - Singapore: I really enjoy Singapore, sure the place is a bustling modernized destination with beer prices that stop major organs but the people are friendly and I have a drinking buddy there that I'm trying to swoon.

Singapore - Bali: Despite the recent bombings in Bali I will be visiting and figured surviving a Bali taxi ride meant me and lady luck were going steady so I'd take my chances.

Then of course was the dreaded return to home but we won't dwell on that, now these rough plans ended up changing but we'll leave that to the next update as I have a date with the playstation.

Cheers & Beers!

Before this trip my dealings with Asia had been fairly limited, I'd been to Bali a number of times and Singapore’s beer prices had pushed me into a coma twice but that was about it. I'd decided on Asia after I realised that three months off in any other destination was going to consist of a bread and water diet and robbing the odd bank. Asia was the cheapest choice and figured if I saved hard enough and snatched enough handbags I could survive comfortably for the full period.

Cheap wasn't the only reason I chose Asia, people upon hearing about my holiday plans always seem to ask the same question;

Why Asia buttnugget???

Asia has many things going for it such as;

The weathers nice and warm (well when I'm travelling anyway!)

The foods great (please nobody mention Balut)

The people are friendly

It's fairly close to Australia meaning no deep-vein thrombosis

And most importantly the women are hot!

Now that I had chosen the destination for my epic 3 months bludge I had to now concoct an itinerary which is quite difficult when you're a lazy unorganised bastard like me...

Ok here's what I came up with...

Argh can't be stuffed...next update!

Nothing quite packs a depressive punch more than the travel blues, some would argue a raging hangover is on par but in reality you can swear off booze but good holiday memories are near impossible to suppress.

Coming home from a good holiday is great for the first day, your mind is occupied as you visit friends and show them the various smelly rashes you've picked up on your travels. After that though things tend to go downhill as your once free booze filled days are replaced by "The Man" and his grind. After my last trip I couldn't even bring myself to watch the travel channel on TV as it just ignited my need to travel and I had more important things to think about...right?

I mean I'm not getting any younger, my 25th birthday is behind me and I had to think of the bigger picture...car...mortgage...penis extension...family etc. Everybody keeps drilling it into me, I'm told countless times that I have to get my shit together and think of the future and what it holds for me.

They're right...it's time to take life by the genitals and give it some direction...

I marched into my Bosses office on my first day back...

"I want 3 months off to travel"

Ok so I didn't exactly find any direction but I sure kicked the travel blues in the balls!

The best recipe for the travel blues is to plan your next trip, whether it is in 15 days or 15 years having something in place will help you get by and instead of reflecting you’re looking forward.

I sound like fucking Yoda...

6 Weeks and my asia adventure begins folks...

I've decided to start a travel blog, sure the odds are it'll result in a typo riddled mess and will be labelled as the "Internets Urinal Puck" but it sure beats counting the days until I replace this depressing desk with an umbrella topped drink and a ladyboy on my arm.

Only kidding...

Umbrella's are for wimps...