Drunk & Disorderly

A single week stands between me and three months of holiday bliss and as expected the days are crawling. I keep getting asked if I'm excited or nervous about the impending trip but the truth is the combination of Christmas and the frantic work-related rush that this time of year brings on hasn't given me much chance to think about it. I'm sure the day before the emotional floodgates will open and I'll experience both an excitement induced boner and a nervous man-weep but really I just want to get the show on the road. I'd like to say allot of planning has gone into the trip but in reality I've done more day dreaming than planning.

I started having second thought about my "by the seat of my pants" approach to travel and fired off a few emails to Thailand hotels enquiring about vacancies. I'll be landing just before NYE so I knew the place would be packed but figured I'd be able to scam a room somewhere. As expected all of the hotels came back informing they were fully booked but one had a cancellation and was happy to accommodate an unorganised retard like myself. It was a bit over budget at 1250 Baht a night but I figured it was better to have somewhere to dump my bags than having to stomp around in the sun hoping to find a room. A guy from another forum even checked out the hotel and said it was very nice but was smack in the middle of the gay area so I guess its "Queer Eye for the disorganised guy".

Starting this blog has actually reminded me how much I enjoy writing, sure I'm not very good at it and it's no doubt littered with spelling and grammatical errors but I do like sitting down and excreting my thoughts. I'm hoping it'll also encourage me to get out and do weird and wonderful things like eating strange foods and indulging in local customs like basket weaving, bukkake etc!. Also a good way for friends and family (mum I was kidding about the bukkake thing honest!) to keep up with what I'm doing as I'm pretty bad when it comes to postcards and phonecalls.

Anyway I'll try to sit down and knock out another update before I leave but if not my first one will be from Hong Kong.

Only two short weeks until I leave for my overseas trip where I'll spread my lame humour and test foreign public nudity laws. Having already organised my flights and opting to worry about accommodation until I arrived at a destination which I told myself was being "adventurous" which is really code for "Stupid & Disorganised" I only had a few items left to sort out which were;

Vaccinations- I figured getting myself inoculated against any foreign diseases that would attempt to lay siege to my system would be wise so I booked a doctors appointment. The doctor suggested that I get shots for Typhoid Fever, Hepatitis A, Cholera and Tetanus as well as a range of tasty pills to protect against Malaria and toilet-glue (diarrhoea). We then had the following conversation;

Doctor- "You should have these shots at least 4 weeks before leaving on your trip, how long until you leave?

Myself- "Errr 2 weeks?"

Doctor- *Chuckles" "Bit disorganised aren't you?"

Myself- "I kinda like to look at it as being adventurous!"

Taking his advice I decided to have the full range of needles and probably should have also demanded the “Heart-Attack Prevention Needle” after he presented me with a bill for $400. I wasn’t expecting a hefty bill like that but paid it without a whimper as I’d prefer to pay the money than get struck down by some crazy disease and spend the entire holiday in bed cursing myself for being a tightass. The doctor only had the Tetanus needle on hand so he jabbed me with that and I have to return tomorrow for the rest of them.

Now that I had the needles out of the way I went shopping for a backpack as suitcases were blacklisted on this trip as I planned on roughing it for most of the trip and wheeling about a suitcase just isn’t practical. I scuttled into a camping store and some young fella’ quickly convinced me that http://www.blackwolf.com.au/engine/SID/1000029/AID/100141.htm was the bag for me. It had a detachable daypack which I was looking for and space for a water bladder which I quizzed the young salesman on;

“Now this water bladder…will it only take water or could I put other liquids in there?”

“Any liquid will be fine, I myself put Gatorade in mine”

“So I could put Bourbon in there?”

“Ummm yes I suppose you could?”

“You’ve got yourself a sale!”

The backpack also is front-loading so you don’t have to open from the top and rip everything out to get to an item at the bottom. The pack is adjusted to fit the shape of your back by 2 metal rails which you bend to match the shape of your back and they also leave painful red welts on the back of your legs when slapped as my room-mate found out (twice).

I also went shopping for an Ipod but the 60gb model I was after has been snapped up by the Christmas shopping frenzy so I might have to bite the bullet and get the smaller 30gb. Only other items left on the shopping list for my big trip was a new pair of shoes (mine are falling apart) and a pimp hat.

My stomach is grumbling so I'll cya next update buttplugs but before I leave here's evidence that you shouldn't buy young folk beer at NYE celebrations! (this picture was the result of exposure to a SINGLE beer, guess they're not breast-fed beer like us Aussies!)

Travelling solo has its perks, and yes I do mean besides being able to lounge topless around without the fear that your manboobs will make your travel partner dry retch.

All my previous travel has been done with a travel partner and I’ve enjoyed it immensely and like travelling solo it offers many benefits. It’s always nice to have a friend to share the experiences with and fill your friends in on the small details that you were to drunk to recall (like that girl you were kissing was really a man). Those horrible waiting periods at places like airports are much more bearable with a friend who you can pass the time with by chinese burning and nipple crippling (nipple cripples are strictly guy to guy frolicking and should not be used on female travel partners, chinese burns are acceptable). Accommodation also works out cheaper with a friend as does transport where you can half the fare of a taxi ride.

That being said I’ve decided to kick it solo on this trip for the following reasons.

Decision Making: Planning my day is entirely up to me on the trip, when you’re partnered up decisions must be shared and mutually accepted. This can often cause issues as you might have something in mind that your partner doesn’t, normally this is resolved by doing your separate activities and meeting up after. Problems arise when this starts to happen all the time and you realise that you both had vastly different ideas on what the holiday was about. One of you may enjoy drinking himself impotent late every night on cheap Thai whiskey while your friend likes to sleep early and get up at the crack of dawn to surf. Really it comes down to making sure you and your buddy are travel compatible and don’t take it for granted that just because you’re great friends back home that you’ll be good to travel together. Often friends don’t make good travel partners and I’ve bumped into a few travellers that are barely on speaking terms despite being lifelong friends back home. Pretty tough to check compatibility though prior to the trip as you’ll be in a vastly different environment but maybe a camping trip together or a nude game of scrabble. Being alone on this trip I can wake up and set my own itinerary and pace and not have to worry that it’s ruining someone else’s holiday. This is a big thing for me as I do like to drink and have a good time and that normally results in a sleep-in/hangover which can really piss off travel mates.

Being a Moron: I can be a moron at times (ok so most of the time) and this tends to cause some headaches for whoever I’m travelling with. For instance last trip after withdrawing some money I forgot to remove my bank-card from the machine and realised a day later and by that time the machine had devoured it. Not content with how high I had set the stupidity bar I then accepted my friend’s offer of borrowing his bank card and transferred all my money into that account. Sure enough the next day I get some money out and leave his card in the machine and it gobbles it up which gave me a delicious serving of Deja Vu. So now I’m in a foreign country with no money in my wallet and no means of getting more. This doesn’t worry me to much as it’s my mistake and I know in the end not to panic as somehow things will get resolved but what worries me is my retarded antics inconveniencing someone else. I don’t mind having to drive to the bank and somehow communicate to them that I need them to crack open the ATM machine and rescue my lonely card/s but I hate someone else having to do this because of me. So on this trip being a retard will only affect me and that’s a good thing…isn’t it?

Makin’ Friends: I feel travelling alone you’re more inclined to socialise, I don’t plan to spend 3 months chatting to myself so travelling solo encourages you to get out there and strike up conversations with strangers. I sometimes worry that I won’t make friends and will end up being a loner crying himself to sleep (kidding) but then I think back on previous trips and recall having many great moments with people I’ve bumped into. Last year myself and another Aussie guy I met wandered the Bali streets on NYE and handed out at least 50-60 bottles of bingtang to the locals and partied hard. I also attempted to swoon a barmaid I met in a bar full of transvestites and we’re still in contact so really I’m worrying about nothing.

Well I think I’ve ranted enough, leave a comment and I'll leave you with a picture of pure genius!

Before we get started I'd like everyone to stop what they're doing and raise there glass, beer or prosthetic limbs in a toast to the great Mr Miyagi who passed away today and is now waxing on and waxing off in a better place.

Now that we have my touching tribute out of the way I'm glad to say that I only have 29 days before I embark on my solo trip to SE Asia. Last update I touched on my planned itinerary but due to certain restrictions relating to my airpass ticket I was forced to make some changes.

Japan had to be dumped which I was a bit bummed about, I'm sure I'll get to go there sometime in the future but I was looking forward to having my own Lost in Translation moments. The upside is my budget won't be as strained as Japan was going to garrotte my wallet for a tidy sum so I'll have a bit more to spend elsewhere.

Besides Japan being given a leave of absence the rest of the trip was fine and once I parted with a deposit my agent booked it all and I now have the tickets...well I think I do...I do recall seeing them a week or two back...

So the dates and destinations look somethin' like this;

Perth - New Zealand (26th December) - Not actually sure why I was forced to fly via New Zealand but it's no biggie, I won't actually get to see the country as I'm just switching planes with about 4 hours to kill.

New Zealand - Hong Kong (27th December) - I'll be kickin' it in Hong Kong for 3 days and to be honest don't know a whole lot about the place but I guess that's the pant-shitting part of it...exciting part...I meant exciting. I haven't lined up any accommodation but my budget is pretty tight so I'm thinking about staying at the famous/notorious Chunking Mansions. From what I've read the mansions are a run-down maze of cheap guesthouses occupied by immigrants, drug dealers and smut peddlers...oh and backpackers...sounds like my sort of place! I'd be interested to hear from any other fellow travellers who have stayed at the mansions but I kinda like the idea of slumming it in some warped mansion.

Hong Kong - Thailand (30th December) - I slide in Bangkok just before New Years which I'm really looking forward to, no plans as yet but I'm sure I'll find a decent party to drink myself retarded. Now I spend a month in the region and do plan on securing a Vietnam & Laos Visa and visiting both countries as well as Cambodia. The danger is that I get comfortable and waste the entire month drunk on a beach somewhere so I may have to limit my attacks on my liver as it's pretty tough to be motivated when cursed with a raging hangover.

Thailand - Philippines (30th January) - I've lined up 2 weeks to explore the Philippines which I know isn't going to be enough but should give me enough time to check out Boracay and maybe gather enough courage to try a balut.

Philippines - Singapore (14th February) - I've visited Singapore a few times and just plan on drinking with a buddy while not letting those $17 beer prices bring tears to my eyes.

Singapore - Bali (21st February) - Bali is the only destination I'm meeting some of the boys back from home, 3 of my mates are flying over so this should be good fun with plenty of whitewater rafting and bintanging planned.

Bali - Perth (11th March) - Home sweet home!

Next update I'll share a few amusing tales from previous trips!

Before knocking out an itinerary I figured it was best to organise my flights as that would be the main budget ball-kicker so I set about seeing how much various flights would set me back. Whilst doing this one of my buddies suggested looking at an Asian Airpass which would stop in all the destinations I wanted to visit but at a lower cost.

I checked it out and the airpass did seem very appealing and more importantly cost effective but there were certain rules/restrictions which had to be abided by and they were as follows;

# South East Asia: Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Brunei, Philippines, Vietnam, Cambodia, Myanmar, Laos
# North Asia: Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, China
# South West Pacific: New Zealand, Australia
# Journey must include travel to all these areas and only one crossing permitted between the following areas:

*South-West Pacific - North Asia
*South-West Pacific - South East Asia
*North Asia - South East Asia

#Travel must commence from and return to the same country
# All sectors up to and including first international sector have to be confirmed at least 7 days prior to departure.
# Certain booking classes apply.
# Maximum of 18 sectors permitted
# Three day minimum stay.
# Maximum stay six months.
# Minimum of two stopovers required, but only one per city permitted.

Nothing too overboard and figured I could abide by the rules and would get the tickets and re-arrange flights if needed while I was over there.

Now here's what my vision of my holiday looked like...

Australia - Japan: A couple of days sipping on sake and using panty vending machines (you crazy Japanese!) would be a nice start to the holiday. Japan is notoriously expensive but I figured I could afford to break my budget here and make it up later.

Japan - Hong Kong: Hell why not get the two most expensive destinations out of the way, I'd always wanted to see Hong Kong and with the opening of Disneyland I now had the opportunity to realise my dream of kicking Donald Duck in the balls.

Hong Kong - Thailand: I've heard many mixed reports of Thailand, some tell me it's beautiful and I won't want to leave whilst others rant about the pollution and the backpacker zoo that it's become. Not sure who to believe but I'm a big table tennis fan and I hear some of the girls (well ok there orifices) play a mean game of ping pong...Game On!

Thailand - Philippines: I never hear much about the Philippines as a travel destination but from what I read some of the islands were very nice and lazing around on a nice beach somewhere sounded very appealing.

Philippines - Singapore: I really enjoy Singapore, sure the place is a bustling modernized destination with beer prices that stop major organs but the people are friendly and I have a drinking buddy there that I'm trying to swoon.

Singapore - Bali: Despite the recent bombings in Bali I will be visiting and figured surviving a Bali taxi ride meant me and lady luck were going steady so I'd take my chances.

Then of course was the dreaded return to home but we won't dwell on that, now these rough plans ended up changing but we'll leave that to the next update as I have a date with the playstation.

Cheers & Beers!